...GOTCHA! Yes, it was one year ago today that we first met our little Ella and she was shoved (literally) into our arms. I won't ever forget that day. Our suitcases arrived mere moments before we had to leave to get Ella so at least we had clean clothes to wear and the doll that I had brought special for her (which she hated).
We got to the civil affairs office early and the officials that were bringing Ella were stuck in traffic. There were several children their with their nannies, awaiting the arrival of their new families. We got to play with them and hold them as we waited. Then the families arrived and total chaos broke out. God I remember that moment with Mary. Some of the kids had tears. Some went willingly without much of a fight. It was nice to see the creation of all those families from a different point of view.
It was about then when our guide, Evelyn hung up her cell phone and said "they're here". We stood there, staring at the door. She kept going out in the hall to look. Then she came running in "Here she comes!". The chaos behind us sort of disappeared. The first time we saw her face, it was like seeing an angel. We crouched down (while Canaan snapped a bunch of pictures) and the nanny tried to explain to Ella that we were her Mama and Baba. They tried to get her to walk to us on her own, but in the end, they gave her a good shove and we picked her up. Then the tears started! She was scared. She didn't understand. It was very hard. She let each of us hold her. She seemed to like Canaan and she liked the snacks we whipped out to try and get her to settle down. She wanted nothing to do with the toys we brought! Then she clung to Rob and wouldn't let go. She wouldn't let me hold her. She wouldn't even let me touch her. That hurt me so bad, although I knew it could happen. I guess I still hoped for the "perfect union".
Back at the hotel room, she would not let Rob put her down. He finally sat on the floor with all the toys and she sat on his lap. Canaan and I sat on the floor too. We played with some of the toys then tried to hand them to her. We must have sat there for hours, slowly moving closer to Ella. Little by little, she let us touch her, then eventually play with and hold her. She was still unsure of us, but it was a BIG milestone. We had a couple of potty accidents because we didn't understand her, but nothing major.
Now, bath time that night was a MAJOR production! She had several layers of clothes on which she did NOT want us taking off. She screamed as we peeled away layers but settled down once we put her in the tub. She played with some of the toys and let us wash her (a little). She preferred to wash herself which was still a sight I won't forget. She scrubbed her skin, then would scratch it to see if it was clean enough. She did that all over her body. Then, something else I will NEVER forget, she washed all the toys and set them on the edge of the tub, THEN washed the tub itself. It was the strangest thing we had ever seen!
I remember some of the giggles and smiles she had once we got her in her pajamas. I also remember laying her in the middle of the bed and laying down next to her. She scooted as close to me as she could get, put her hand around my arm and fell asleep. She never took her hand off me that entire night. I guess she wanted to make sure I wasn't going to leave her. Unfortunately from then on and for a few weeks after, she wanted nothing to do with Rob which hurt his feelings quite a bit. At least now I know how he felt when she first wanted nothing to do with me. It hurt. I empathisized with Rob after that.
Today, she is almost not the same child! She is vibrant and energetic! She lights up a room with her crooked little smile and she is STILL (after a year) fascinated with everything in the world around her. She finds enjoyment and content in the oddest places and truly appreciates everything she has. She is one amazing little girl who is destined for greatness in this world.
Wednesday
November 19, 2008
The girls continue to get bigger by the day. Mary doesn't like to eat a lot, but is growing like a bean stalk! Ella loves to eat and is still so petite. It's interesting to see how different they are. The different regions of China sure do produce some different little girls! Then again, would I really want them to be identical?
Mary's writing and letter recognition is really taking off. Her handwriting is really developing thanks to some of the projects they do at daycare. It's so hard for me to help her with her writing though since she is left handed. Canaan can at least help her being a South Paw himself.
Ella is really starting to have things "click" with colors, shapes, letters and numbers. It's only a matter of time until she has caught up to Mary. The time Ella gets to spend at preschool three days a week helps a lot. Her speech is still improving. Some of the sounds she makes are almost funny. She tries to say sounds like SH, K, T & N and they usually come out pretty "juicy". She hasn't quite grasped the control inside her mouth so she often slobbers when she talks. I think it's kinda cute. You can tell she is trying though! She DOES still have the small hole in her palate so there is still some loss of compression in her mouth, not to mention occasional food or liquid that comes out her nose! I guess that will always be a characteristic that makes up our Ella.
Here are a couple pictures that we took while playing with my new camera phone. They always want to take pictures when I whip out my phone!
This one was taken at thier cousin's Court of Honor for Eagle Scouts. Ella was really BORED! Can you tell????
Mary's writing and letter recognition is really taking off. Her handwriting is really developing thanks to some of the projects they do at daycare. It's so hard for me to help her with her writing though since she is left handed. Canaan can at least help her being a South Paw himself.
Ella is really starting to have things "click" with colors, shapes, letters and numbers. It's only a matter of time until she has caught up to Mary. The time Ella gets to spend at preschool three days a week helps a lot. Her speech is still improving. Some of the sounds she makes are almost funny. She tries to say sounds like SH, K, T & N and they usually come out pretty "juicy". She hasn't quite grasped the control inside her mouth so she often slobbers when she talks. I think it's kinda cute. You can tell she is trying though! She DOES still have the small hole in her palate so there is still some loss of compression in her mouth, not to mention occasional food or liquid that comes out her nose! I guess that will always be a characteristic that makes up our Ella.
Here are a couple pictures that we took while playing with my new camera phone. They always want to take pictures when I whip out my phone!
This one was taken at thier cousin's Court of Honor for Eagle Scouts. Ella was really BORED! Can you tell????
Tuesday
October Update (Now into November!)
Again, it seems like time gets away from me so fast, but for the past month, it's not been for lack of chaos! My color guard team has been has several performances, mainly football games and I've been spending a lot of time with them. Mary has actually gone to a couple of the football games with me and really had fun. I think she liked spending time with Mama and she really loves the girls on the team. Well, that and everyone kept giving her candy and snacks!! It was actually cool having her there. She was pretty well behaved given the chaos that high school football games are! I think she will end up being a cheerleader (instead of color guard) though. She just seems to have "that attitude" that is perfect for being a cheerleader! Ha! Ella is going to be my color guard. She is fascinated with it. She also loves all the girls on the team and really enjoys going to practice.
I got to go to San Diego earlier this month and watch my eldest child graduate from Marine Boot Camp. Boy was that an experience. It's so weird seeing my "boy", now a man. When he came home on leave, Mary had no problem recognizing him (even though he looks and certainly ACTS different). Ella was quite confused though. Once Adam took his hat off and bent down, you could see the wheels turning in Ella's mind. She touched his face and stared deeply at him. It took a few days for her to really recognize that he was indeed her big brother. Here is a picture of them all the night Adam got home.
It was so good to have Adam home, although he just wasn't the same boy that left three long months ago. He had changed oh so much. His leave seemed to fly by and before I know it, he was gone again. Here are a couple more pictures I was able to snap off before he left.
And this one is my favorite! I call it "Her Hero".
Ella's speech has been taking off! She started preschool and she loves going. New sounds are coming out of her and it's truly amazing. She is making some great progress. She likes her teacher and she likes her new friends. She comes home and tells us all about it (and half the time we have NO IDEA what she's talking about)!
-Continued into November...
I've worked on this post several times, but never seem to get it finished and posted darn it!
The girls had a great time with Halloween. Ella was very confused on the whole pumpkin carving thing. Confusion rapidly turned into fascination though. Here is some of the pumpkin madness!
Here are the girls and their pumpkins!
And here is Ella, completely fascinated with her first pumpkin...
Ella got to wear Mary's old Chinese "Princess" outfit (that Mary outgrew) and I made a new outfit for Mary (a traditional Dong Festival Dress). The new dress made me curse (a lot) at my sewing machine but I think it (might) have been worth it! Both girls looked absolutely amazing! Mary really looked regal though in her festival dress! She got plenty of ooohs and aaaahs every where we went. Ella figured out real quick that if she smiled and held up her pumpkin, that people would say "oh how cute" and put candy in it! Didn't take her long to figure THAT one out! Here are a couple of pictures of the girls in their Halloween "Chinese Princess" dresses. Eat your heart out Cinderella, Snow White and all you other princesses!
Princess Mary
Princess Ella
Ready for Trick-or-Treating!
I got to go to San Diego earlier this month and watch my eldest child graduate from Marine Boot Camp. Boy was that an experience. It's so weird seeing my "boy", now a man. When he came home on leave, Mary had no problem recognizing him (even though he looks and certainly ACTS different). Ella was quite confused though. Once Adam took his hat off and bent down, you could see the wheels turning in Ella's mind. She touched his face and stared deeply at him. It took a few days for her to really recognize that he was indeed her big brother. Here is a picture of them all the night Adam got home.
It was so good to have Adam home, although he just wasn't the same boy that left three long months ago. He had changed oh so much. His leave seemed to fly by and before I know it, he was gone again. Here are a couple more pictures I was able to snap off before he left.
And this one is my favorite! I call it "Her Hero".
Ella's speech has been taking off! She started preschool and she loves going. New sounds are coming out of her and it's truly amazing. She is making some great progress. She likes her teacher and she likes her new friends. She comes home and tells us all about it (and half the time we have NO IDEA what she's talking about)!
-Continued into November...
I've worked on this post several times, but never seem to get it finished and posted darn it!
The girls had a great time with Halloween. Ella was very confused on the whole pumpkin carving thing. Confusion rapidly turned into fascination though. Here is some of the pumpkin madness!
Here are the girls and their pumpkins!
And here is Ella, completely fascinated with her first pumpkin...
Ella got to wear Mary's old Chinese "Princess" outfit (that Mary outgrew) and I made a new outfit for Mary (a traditional Dong Festival Dress). The new dress made me curse (a lot) at my sewing machine but I think it (might) have been worth it! Both girls looked absolutely amazing! Mary really looked regal though in her festival dress! She got plenty of ooohs and aaaahs every where we went. Ella figured out real quick that if she smiled and held up her pumpkin, that people would say "oh how cute" and put candy in it! Didn't take her long to figure THAT one out! Here are a couple of pictures of the girls in their Halloween "Chinese Princess" dresses. Eat your heart out Cinderella, Snow White and all you other princesses!
Princess Mary
Princess Ella
Ready for Trick-or-Treating!
Thursday
Catching up and Reminiscing
September 25, 2008
Well, Ella's mouth continues to improve. The hole that appeared on the side of her palate seems to have closed back up (hopefully for good). All of the tissue that was used to fill in the hole in the center of her palate has fallen out, but it doesn't look like it's a total loss. The donor tissue pulled her own tissue towards the center and it looks like it may have been enough to close it. I saw a small hole towards the front of her palate, but the surgeons that saw her today (in Chicago) said the surgery was a success. (Either they didn't see the hole I saw or the hole has since closed over!) Now on to speech therapy!
Ella is SO glad to be able to eat normal things again. Mary has been SUPER jealous that Ella has been allowed to eat ice cream, pudding and jello for dinner!
Every time I have written the date today, I kept thinking there was some significance to this day but just couldn’t remember what it was. It just hit me! It was one year ago today that we received the call telling us that there was “a little girl that needed a new Mama and Baba”. One year ago today I first saw the face the beautiful angel who was destined to be my daughter. It could not have been a more perfect match for our family. I will never forget that phone call and how my life changed so much the instant I saw Ella's sweet face. She has changed so much in the nine months she has been home. I swear her personality GROWS with each day that passes. She is energetic, vibrant, happy, fascinating, inquisitive and loving.
Here is her referral picture (the first time I saw my beautiful daughter's face)
And here is Ella just last weekend
She is amazing, isn't she?
Well, Ella's mouth continues to improve. The hole that appeared on the side of her palate seems to have closed back up (hopefully for good). All of the tissue that was used to fill in the hole in the center of her palate has fallen out, but it doesn't look like it's a total loss. The donor tissue pulled her own tissue towards the center and it looks like it may have been enough to close it. I saw a small hole towards the front of her palate, but the surgeons that saw her today (in Chicago) said the surgery was a success. (Either they didn't see the hole I saw or the hole has since closed over!) Now on to speech therapy!
Ella is SO glad to be able to eat normal things again. Mary has been SUPER jealous that Ella has been allowed to eat ice cream, pudding and jello for dinner!
Every time I have written the date today, I kept thinking there was some significance to this day but just couldn’t remember what it was. It just hit me! It was one year ago today that we received the call telling us that there was “a little girl that needed a new Mama and Baba”. One year ago today I first saw the face the beautiful angel who was destined to be my daughter. It could not have been a more perfect match for our family. I will never forget that phone call and how my life changed so much the instant I saw Ella's sweet face. She has changed so much in the nine months she has been home. I swear her personality GROWS with each day that passes. She is energetic, vibrant, happy, fascinating, inquisitive and loving.
Here is her referral picture (the first time I saw my beautiful daughter's face)
And here is Ella just last weekend
She is amazing, isn't she?
The worst case scenario...is reality
Ella has been slowly recovering from her surgery and was actually doing well, until last Saturday. She was super fussy while we were over at a friends picking vegetables. Completely unconsolable. When we got home, I gave her some tylenol and looked at her mouth. It had been bleeding some and a fissure now appeared in her palate, not where the hole use to be, but right next to the teeth line. It almost looks like it split open along where it was originally repaired (in China). Darn it! I started feeding her some soup and one of the times she opened her mouth to get another bite, I noticed something hanging down from her palate. Oh no! Oh, yes. It was a piece of the donor tissue that the surgeon had used to close the hole. I had her take her tongue and gently push it back up, but sometime during her nap it looks like it came out completely and she swallowed it.
I called the hospital and left message for the on-call surgeon. I didn't know what to do. I've never done this before! I had no idea what to expect. When he called back, he confirmed what I feared. The surgery was failing and there was nothing that we could do about it. I felt so bad for Ella. I can't believe we just went through that difficult surgery for nothing. The reality was that she was going to need the surgery again. Sigh. This isn't fair. I can't help but think "Hasn't she been through enough???". I'm so sad for her.
We received a message from the surgeon that actually did her surgery on Tuesday. He instructed us to leave the arm restraints on and keep her on the liquid diet through the 14 day mark. Yes, it's hard for little Ella to do anything and she is so tired of soup and applesauce, but with her mouth in flux right now, it's best. It stopped bleeding by Tuesday and was actually looking pretty good. Unfortunately this morning she spit out another huge piece of tissue. As the stitches disolve, the tissue is just falling right out. There is still a piece of tissue up where the hole was, but at this point I'm not expecting it to stay. The donor tissue just didn't adhere to her tissue. We are going to have to start over. Poor Ella. She's been through so much in her three short years. She deserves a break.
Here is a picture of her palate on Monday (before the second part of the tissue came out. You can see the fissure on the right side by her teeth.
I called the hospital and left message for the on-call surgeon. I didn't know what to do. I've never done this before! I had no idea what to expect. When he called back, he confirmed what I feared. The surgery was failing and there was nothing that we could do about it. I felt so bad for Ella. I can't believe we just went through that difficult surgery for nothing. The reality was that she was going to need the surgery again. Sigh. This isn't fair. I can't help but think "Hasn't she been through enough???". I'm so sad for her.
We received a message from the surgeon that actually did her surgery on Tuesday. He instructed us to leave the arm restraints on and keep her on the liquid diet through the 14 day mark. Yes, it's hard for little Ella to do anything and she is so tired of soup and applesauce, but with her mouth in flux right now, it's best. It stopped bleeding by Tuesday and was actually looking pretty good. Unfortunately this morning she spit out another huge piece of tissue. As the stitches disolve, the tissue is just falling right out. There is still a piece of tissue up where the hole was, but at this point I'm not expecting it to stay. The donor tissue just didn't adhere to her tissue. We are going to have to start over. Poor Ella. She's been through so much in her three short years. She deserves a break.
Here is a picture of her palate on Monday (before the second part of the tissue came out. You can see the fissure on the right side by her teeth.
Tuesday
Pictures from Chicago
Waiting for the plane at the airport
Playing at the Ronald McDonald House
Being silly
Look, it's Ronald! (Ella didn't like him too much)
Playing at the Shriners Hospital
Playing outside at the hospital
Cool tree house!
Making a big mess with oranges!
In Pre-Op AFTER they gave Ella the loopy medicine
The day after surgery (after a nice bath)
At the Ronald McDonald House (after being discharged)
Happy to be going home!
Playing at the Ronald McDonald House
Being silly
Look, it's Ronald! (Ella didn't like him too much)
Playing at the Shriners Hospital
Playing outside at the hospital
Cool tree house!
Making a big mess with oranges!
In Pre-Op AFTER they gave Ella the loopy medicine
The day after surgery (after a nice bath)
At the Ronald McDonald House (after being discharged)
Happy to be going home!
Sunday
What a week!
The build up to Ella's surgery was intense and now it's over. What a relief. Last week's trip to Chicago seemed like it lasted a month. So much waiting around and stressing.
We arrived in Chicago on Tueday night. After a pricy cab ride, we arrived at the Ronald McDonald House. Words cannot fully explain this amazing dwelling. It is an old mansion of sorts that is renovated into a large "house" designed to make kids that are undergoing treatment at local hospitals comfortable and provide a "home away from home". There are several sitting areas (with and without televisions), a large kitchen (more like 4 kitchens), a playroom, a library, a chapel, a game room, guest bedrooms and even a secret room that can be accessed from a hidden staircase inside a wardrobe. It was truly awe inspiring. Thankfully, every night that we were there (except Saturday night), there were volunteers that came in and cooked for the guests at the house. It was great!!! We also could cook whatever we wanted and they even had a pantry we could help ourselves to (donated food).
We headed to the Shriners hospital on Wednesday morning. Ella was very nervous and so were we. We had no idea what to expect and how we were going to keep Ella amused for the entire day (her surgery was not scheduled until Thursday). The staff at the hospital were amazing. They got Ella into her room (she had a room mate, but she was in ICU until Wednesday evening) and made her as comfortable as possible. They gave her food and drinks anytime she wanted, which made Ella very happy. Ella played in the playroom and outside on the playground.
Wednesday went pretty smooth. We saw many specialists that went over her health, what to expect after surgery and what her diet was going to be like. They were very attentive and thorough. I ended up having to lay next to Ella in the bed in order to get her to sleep so I didn't get a whole lot of sleep that night. (Those hospital beds were not very comfy at all.) She was allowed to eat until midnight and drink until 5am (although she did not want to wake up just before 5am to take a quick drink). Her surgery was supposed to be at 10am. It was a chore keeping her amused until it was time to be taken upstairs, especially because she kept saying she was hungry and thirsty. They finally called us upstairs and fear set in for all of us. Standing next to her in pre-op I was shaking and trying not to tear up. They gave her some medicine to help her relax and it totally knocked her loopy! She was completely punch drunk! It was funny and sad at the same time. They were not going to hook up any IVs until she was completly out cold, so that helped some. After they took her away to the OR, the only thing I could do is stand there and cry. I was scared of something going wrong. I was scared of what she would look like when she came out. I was scared of her being in pain. It took twenty minutes to stop crying. We then had a anxiety filled wait ahead of us. The surgery was scheduled to take three hours, but they would come out at the two hour mark and tell us how she was doing. We went downstairs to try and eat something, but it was hard to eat with everything on our minds. After we ate, we headed up to the surgical waiting area. I tried to pass the time by working on color guard stuff, but concentration was impossible. Two hours passed. No word. As we approached three hours, I started to panic. Why weren't they coming out to tell us how she was doing? Had something gone wrong? A thousand things began running through our minds. After three and a half hours, someone FINALLY came out and called us. They said Ella was screaming for Mama. I bolted down the hall, into the room and up onto the bed next to her. Thankfully at that moment, my Mommy Mode kicked in. I was no longer scared. I could only concentrate on taking care of her and helping her to stop crying.
After she settled down into a light sleep, I started to look her over. I felt sorry for her and wished she didn't have to go through this. She had blood on her face from her nose and mouth, her cheeks and upper lip were pretty swollen, she had arm restraints on both arms (to keep her from touching her mouth) and she had this string taped to her face! I sat there trying to figure out what it was. When she started crying, I was able to see that it LOOKED like it was tied around her tongue. Hmmm. That was interesting. It was not until she swallowed a couple mouthfuls of water (and cleared the blood in her mouth) that I realized it was NOT wrapped around her tongue. It was threaded THROUGH her tongue!!! I tried not to make a big deal over it, but it completely grossed me out. It seemed so inhumane. There would be no amount of consoling that would soothe her with that thing through her tongue. I sat in the chair with her (and the many wires she had hooked to her) across my lap for hours. I brushed her hair back over and over and rubbed her cheek. She would fuss every twenty minutes or so, but fell back asleep rather quickly. She wouldn't let me get up, even to go potty. She would completely melt down if I even mentioned it. Since I was in the ICU, I couldn't eat or drink either. It felt like an eternity sitting there with her. Over several hours, she continued to come out of the anesthetia. She kept asking for water right away (and juice) and made the nurse bring in a little potty for her (rather than having an accident in her pull-up). Eventually, I convinced Ella to let me put her up on the bed so I could lay next to her. I got a small window of opportunity to run to the restroom, even though she cried while I was gone.
That night was a long one as well. Ella fussed the entire night and I certainly couldn't get comfortable next to her on the bed. She would really fuss every four hours when the pain medicine wore off, unfortunately the nurses weren't bringing her medicine until they actually heard her screaming. I felt so bad for poor Ella. I cannot even imagine what was going through her mind. The next morning, they came in and took the string out of her tongue. That HAD to feel better. After the surgeon came in to check on her, they transferred her back down to her room (no more wires!). They told us that since she was drinking and going potty they would release her that evening IF we felt comfortable. We were only going back to the Ronald McDonald House so if there were complications, we could get her back to the hospital quickly. We wanted to wait to see if she was going to continue to take liquids and take a good nap.
Rob's Great Aunt Betty came to see us after we got back into the room downstairs. Ella was still really cranky and didn't seem at all interested in the stuffed green frog that Aunt Betty brought her. It was so nice to finally meet her! We had talked via email for years, but I had not met her. Rob had not seen her for many years so it was a nice visit. We gave Ella a bath and took her down to the cafeteria for lunch. She promptly passed out on the bench after eating a little jello, a little smoothie and some apple juice. She was (finally) released about 4:30 and we headed to the Ronald McDonald House.
The evening was pretty uneventful, which was GOOD! Ella wasn't drinking a lot, but she was drinking some. At bedtime, I laid her on the bed and she was out by the time her head hit the pillow. She was very restless throughout the night. Saturday we hung out at the house. We watched movies, played in the playroom and Ella took a good nap. It was nice to spend a casual day AWAY from the hospital.
The flight home was pretty uneventful too. Ella fell asleep just before we borded and woke up as we pulled up to the gate in Denver. The airport was an absolute ZOO because of the Democratic National Convention. We were glad to get out of that place!!!
Since the surgery, she has already starting making sounds that she had not been able to make before. Her voice is also different now. It's hard to explain. We are very excited to see what she can say once everything is all healed up!
I will post pictures on a separate post.
We arrived in Chicago on Tueday night. After a pricy cab ride, we arrived at the Ronald McDonald House. Words cannot fully explain this amazing dwelling. It is an old mansion of sorts that is renovated into a large "house" designed to make kids that are undergoing treatment at local hospitals comfortable and provide a "home away from home". There are several sitting areas (with and without televisions), a large kitchen (more like 4 kitchens), a playroom, a library, a chapel, a game room, guest bedrooms and even a secret room that can be accessed from a hidden staircase inside a wardrobe. It was truly awe inspiring. Thankfully, every night that we were there (except Saturday night), there were volunteers that came in and cooked for the guests at the house. It was great!!! We also could cook whatever we wanted and they even had a pantry we could help ourselves to (donated food).
We headed to the Shriners hospital on Wednesday morning. Ella was very nervous and so were we. We had no idea what to expect and how we were going to keep Ella amused for the entire day (her surgery was not scheduled until Thursday). The staff at the hospital were amazing. They got Ella into her room (she had a room mate, but she was in ICU until Wednesday evening) and made her as comfortable as possible. They gave her food and drinks anytime she wanted, which made Ella very happy. Ella played in the playroom and outside on the playground.
Wednesday went pretty smooth. We saw many specialists that went over her health, what to expect after surgery and what her diet was going to be like. They were very attentive and thorough. I ended up having to lay next to Ella in the bed in order to get her to sleep so I didn't get a whole lot of sleep that night. (Those hospital beds were not very comfy at all.) She was allowed to eat until midnight and drink until 5am (although she did not want to wake up just before 5am to take a quick drink). Her surgery was supposed to be at 10am. It was a chore keeping her amused until it was time to be taken upstairs, especially because she kept saying she was hungry and thirsty. They finally called us upstairs and fear set in for all of us. Standing next to her in pre-op I was shaking and trying not to tear up. They gave her some medicine to help her relax and it totally knocked her loopy! She was completely punch drunk! It was funny and sad at the same time. They were not going to hook up any IVs until she was completly out cold, so that helped some. After they took her away to the OR, the only thing I could do is stand there and cry. I was scared of something going wrong. I was scared of what she would look like when she came out. I was scared of her being in pain. It took twenty minutes to stop crying. We then had a anxiety filled wait ahead of us. The surgery was scheduled to take three hours, but they would come out at the two hour mark and tell us how she was doing. We went downstairs to try and eat something, but it was hard to eat with everything on our minds. After we ate, we headed up to the surgical waiting area. I tried to pass the time by working on color guard stuff, but concentration was impossible. Two hours passed. No word. As we approached three hours, I started to panic. Why weren't they coming out to tell us how she was doing? Had something gone wrong? A thousand things began running through our minds. After three and a half hours, someone FINALLY came out and called us. They said Ella was screaming for Mama. I bolted down the hall, into the room and up onto the bed next to her. Thankfully at that moment, my Mommy Mode kicked in. I was no longer scared. I could only concentrate on taking care of her and helping her to stop crying.
After she settled down into a light sleep, I started to look her over. I felt sorry for her and wished she didn't have to go through this. She had blood on her face from her nose and mouth, her cheeks and upper lip were pretty swollen, she had arm restraints on both arms (to keep her from touching her mouth) and she had this string taped to her face! I sat there trying to figure out what it was. When she started crying, I was able to see that it LOOKED like it was tied around her tongue. Hmmm. That was interesting. It was not until she swallowed a couple mouthfuls of water (and cleared the blood in her mouth) that I realized it was NOT wrapped around her tongue. It was threaded THROUGH her tongue!!! I tried not to make a big deal over it, but it completely grossed me out. It seemed so inhumane. There would be no amount of consoling that would soothe her with that thing through her tongue. I sat in the chair with her (and the many wires she had hooked to her) across my lap for hours. I brushed her hair back over and over and rubbed her cheek. She would fuss every twenty minutes or so, but fell back asleep rather quickly. She wouldn't let me get up, even to go potty. She would completely melt down if I even mentioned it. Since I was in the ICU, I couldn't eat or drink either. It felt like an eternity sitting there with her. Over several hours, she continued to come out of the anesthetia. She kept asking for water right away (and juice) and made the nurse bring in a little potty for her (rather than having an accident in her pull-up). Eventually, I convinced Ella to let me put her up on the bed so I could lay next to her. I got a small window of opportunity to run to the restroom, even though she cried while I was gone.
That night was a long one as well. Ella fussed the entire night and I certainly couldn't get comfortable next to her on the bed. She would really fuss every four hours when the pain medicine wore off, unfortunately the nurses weren't bringing her medicine until they actually heard her screaming. I felt so bad for poor Ella. I cannot even imagine what was going through her mind. The next morning, they came in and took the string out of her tongue. That HAD to feel better. After the surgeon came in to check on her, they transferred her back down to her room (no more wires!). They told us that since she was drinking and going potty they would release her that evening IF we felt comfortable. We were only going back to the Ronald McDonald House so if there were complications, we could get her back to the hospital quickly. We wanted to wait to see if she was going to continue to take liquids and take a good nap.
Rob's Great Aunt Betty came to see us after we got back into the room downstairs. Ella was still really cranky and didn't seem at all interested in the stuffed green frog that Aunt Betty brought her. It was so nice to finally meet her! We had talked via email for years, but I had not met her. Rob had not seen her for many years so it was a nice visit. We gave Ella a bath and took her down to the cafeteria for lunch. She promptly passed out on the bench after eating a little jello, a little smoothie and some apple juice. She was (finally) released about 4:30 and we headed to the Ronald McDonald House.
The evening was pretty uneventful, which was GOOD! Ella wasn't drinking a lot, but she was drinking some. At bedtime, I laid her on the bed and she was out by the time her head hit the pillow. She was very restless throughout the night. Saturday we hung out at the house. We watched movies, played in the playroom and Ella took a good nap. It was nice to spend a casual day AWAY from the hospital.
The flight home was pretty uneventful too. Ella fell asleep just before we borded and woke up as we pulled up to the gate in Denver. The airport was an absolute ZOO because of the Democratic National Convention. We were glad to get out of that place!!!
Since the surgery, she has already starting making sounds that she had not been able to make before. Her voice is also different now. It's hard to explain. We are very excited to see what she can say once everything is all healed up!
I will post pictures on a separate post.
Tuesday
To the windy city...
Well, the day has come. In a few hours we get on that plane to the windy city for Ella's surgery. Right now, I just want it to be over with. Three months of waiting has built up so much anxiety that I feel like I'm going to burst. Time to get it over with. The fear is getting to a dangerous level.
Ella seems in good spirits today. So much so that she felt like scrapping with her big sister! A few scratches and bites later and everyone is feeling better! (Except the dolls of which they were fighting over, they ended up the wounded in this battle!) Hopefully everyone will be in good spirits for the trip. Ella checks into the hospital tomorrow morning and her surgery is on Thursday morning. Everyone send us good vibes so that the surgery goes well and Ella bounces right back to her normal, active self. I will try to update the blog when I can.
Here are a few recent pictures.
Yes, we dressed up Adam's cat in Camo!
Mary at her friend's birthday tea party
The Tea Party
Girls being silly
Ella seems in good spirits today. So much so that she felt like scrapping with her big sister! A few scratches and bites later and everyone is feeling better! (Except the dolls of which they were fighting over, they ended up the wounded in this battle!) Hopefully everyone will be in good spirits for the trip. Ella checks into the hospital tomorrow morning and her surgery is on Thursday morning. Everyone send us good vibes so that the surgery goes well and Ella bounces right back to her normal, active self. I will try to update the blog when I can.
Here are a few recent pictures.
Yes, we dressed up Adam's cat in Camo!
Mary at her friend's birthday tea party
The Tea Party
Girls being silly
Little Miss and Impending Surgery
I didn't realize I was getting so behind on the blog. It seems like this summer has just flew by. Normally that would be GOOD because that means the boys are going back to school. This summer went by so fast that I'm actually NOT ready for the boys to go back to school yet! Ha! I'm sure I'll get over it.
Well, my boy left for bootcamp on July 14th. Oh man that was so much harder than I thought it would be, and continues to be. It's just plain weird not having him around, even if he was being annoying lately. The house just isn't the same without him digging through the fridge at all hours of the night, telling me dirty jokes and poking at everyone thinking he "being funny". I guess he was being funny, because I actually miss that. I have only seen one letter from him since he left, but he seems upbeat and positive. He's going to make a great Marine.
In other news, Mary somehow was nominated and WON the title of Little Miss Gilcrest (our town). She got a tiara, a sash and got to ride in a convertible in the town parade! Oh boy! I didn't even know she was NOMINATED!!!! (This will not help our efforts to banish her Princess Syndrome!) I found this out of course only a few days before the parade that I myself was already in with the color guard team. Ol' Canaan had to ride with his little sis in the parade. Oh it was just too cute. (He didn't look like he was enjoying it so much.) Mary roasted her butt off, same as the color guard. It was just stupid hot!
Right now, we in countdown to Ella's surgery. We leave for Chicago a week from today. Okay, now I have knots in my tummy. I think she does too. She seems a little stressed lately. I've very, very nervous about this surgery but I also want to get it over with. The hospital called yesterday to see how "healthy" she was. Fine in fact! That's because she has pretty much been in quarantine for the past few weeks. We have enough hand sanitizer and clorox wipes to last a couple years! She has done well, especially in the last week with wearing a medical mask and being confined to her stroller, unable to touch anything. Sure, I might be a little over-cautious, but it's WORKING! Now to just keep her healthy one more week!!!! Everyone needs to send good vibes our way that this surgery goes smoothly and she recovers quickly. That flight home from Chicago is not going to be a fun one!
Here are some recent pictures:
My kids, the day Adam left for the Marines...
Little Miss Gilcrest
Mary in the Parade
Ella learning to be a "wood pusher" (skateboarder), thanks to her big brother
Well, my boy left for bootcamp on July 14th. Oh man that was so much harder than I thought it would be, and continues to be. It's just plain weird not having him around, even if he was being annoying lately. The house just isn't the same without him digging through the fridge at all hours of the night, telling me dirty jokes and poking at everyone thinking he "being funny". I guess he was being funny, because I actually miss that. I have only seen one letter from him since he left, but he seems upbeat and positive. He's going to make a great Marine.
In other news, Mary somehow was nominated and WON the title of Little Miss Gilcrest (our town). She got a tiara, a sash and got to ride in a convertible in the town parade! Oh boy! I didn't even know she was NOMINATED!!!! (This will not help our efforts to banish her Princess Syndrome!) I found this out of course only a few days before the parade that I myself was already in with the color guard team. Ol' Canaan had to ride with his little sis in the parade. Oh it was just too cute. (He didn't look like he was enjoying it so much.) Mary roasted her butt off, same as the color guard. It was just stupid hot!
Right now, we in countdown to Ella's surgery. We leave for Chicago a week from today. Okay, now I have knots in my tummy. I think she does too. She seems a little stressed lately. I've very, very nervous about this surgery but I also want to get it over with. The hospital called yesterday to see how "healthy" she was. Fine in fact! That's because she has pretty much been in quarantine for the past few weeks. We have enough hand sanitizer and clorox wipes to last a couple years! She has done well, especially in the last week with wearing a medical mask and being confined to her stroller, unable to touch anything. Sure, I might be a little over-cautious, but it's WORKING! Now to just keep her healthy one more week!!!! Everyone needs to send good vibes our way that this surgery goes smoothly and she recovers quickly. That flight home from Chicago is not going to be a fun one!
Here are some recent pictures:
My kids, the day Adam left for the Marines...
Little Miss Gilcrest
Mary in the Parade
Ella learning to be a "wood pusher" (skateboarder), thanks to her big brother
Monday
Catching up!
It's been such a while since I updated the blog, so I figured I better do a catch up. Ella continues to amaze up with her creativity, imagination and intelligence. She is truly a remarkable little girl. Mary is getting better with her now that we are able to understand what she is saying a little more each day. There are still some days that they cannot help but bicker about every single thing, then there are the days that they play together so harmoniously. It's so weird, their relationship. I guess I had forgotten what it was like to have a sibling that close in age. I guess my little brother and I (nine months and three days apart) had our good days and our bad days too.
Ella's surgery has been scheduled and although it was much later than we were hoping for, it's good to at least have it on paper. It's been scheduled for August 21st. I, of course am terrified. I'm not worried too much about the surgery itself, but more for the recovery. I'm scared I won't know how to take care of her. She will be completely miserable not being able to eat everything. She loves food so much that I think that will be the hardest part of her recovery.
My involvement with the color guard team at the high school continues to eat up a lot of my "spare time", but I'm really having fun. The girls like to go with me every once in a while and twirl around the flag I made them (just their size). I hope they get into it when they get older. That would be really fun. I am enjoying having Jake a part of the team (and he's really getting good!!). I also have the opportunity to get to know Adam's girlfriend since she is also on the team. It's fun and it's certainly giving me a workout!!
We are in countdown mode for Adam leaving for Marine Boot Camp. I won't lie, I'm not doing so great with it. I feel like I have this apple in my throat and a huge rock in my stomach. I've been trying to busy myself getting ready for his going away party this weekend, but there has still been episodes of intermitten tears. It's hard for me to let him go. He and I have been through so much in our lives. I simply don't know what I will do without him. I know it's not like I won't ever see him again. I know this. It's just the fact that he won't BE there anymore. I will walk into his room and he just won't be there. That is the hardest part for me right now. I'm happy that he is taking this next step into his adult life, but there is so much of me that doesn't want him to leave. Canaan is already foaming at the mouth about getting Adam's room. It's actually kind of funny. I've already told him he is not moving into Adam's room the day after he leaves, that he will be waiting a while. I need time to process this whole thing in my head. Although he may not fully understand, he at least agreed with me.
What else. Hmmm. Oh, Canaan actually passed summer school and gets to go on to high school next year. One less thing to worry about. For a while there, we didn't think it was going to happen.
Here are some pictures from recent.
Ballerina Girls (again)
Weeeeeeeeee!
Canaan with his mei meis (little sisters)
My Graduate (sob)
Adam and his Sweetie (don't they look cute together??)
Ella's surgery has been scheduled and although it was much later than we were hoping for, it's good to at least have it on paper. It's been scheduled for August 21st. I, of course am terrified. I'm not worried too much about the surgery itself, but more for the recovery. I'm scared I won't know how to take care of her. She will be completely miserable not being able to eat everything. She loves food so much that I think that will be the hardest part of her recovery.
My involvement with the color guard team at the high school continues to eat up a lot of my "spare time", but I'm really having fun. The girls like to go with me every once in a while and twirl around the flag I made them (just their size). I hope they get into it when they get older. That would be really fun. I am enjoying having Jake a part of the team (and he's really getting good!!). I also have the opportunity to get to know Adam's girlfriend since she is also on the team. It's fun and it's certainly giving me a workout!!
We are in countdown mode for Adam leaving for Marine Boot Camp. I won't lie, I'm not doing so great with it. I feel like I have this apple in my throat and a huge rock in my stomach. I've been trying to busy myself getting ready for his going away party this weekend, but there has still been episodes of intermitten tears. It's hard for me to let him go. He and I have been through so much in our lives. I simply don't know what I will do without him. I know it's not like I won't ever see him again. I know this. It's just the fact that he won't BE there anymore. I will walk into his room and he just won't be there. That is the hardest part for me right now. I'm happy that he is taking this next step into his adult life, but there is so much of me that doesn't want him to leave. Canaan is already foaming at the mouth about getting Adam's room. It's actually kind of funny. I've already told him he is not moving into Adam's room the day after he leaves, that he will be waiting a while. I need time to process this whole thing in my head. Although he may not fully understand, he at least agreed with me.
What else. Hmmm. Oh, Canaan actually passed summer school and gets to go on to high school next year. One less thing to worry about. For a while there, we didn't think it was going to happen.
Here are some pictures from recent.
Ballerina Girls (again)
Weeeeeeeeee!
Canaan with his mei meis (little sisters)
My Graduate (sob)
Adam and his Sweetie (don't they look cute together??)
Tuesday
Validated!
Yesterday the county court validated Ella's adoption. (It was also exactly six months ago that Ella was placed in our arms!!) I think this is the last piece needed to complete her adoption. They are sending off for her birth certificate so looks like we are done! Yeah! It's amazing how much paperwork can come from one little girl! We saw the same judge as we did when we had Mary's adoption validated. He had Mary come up to his desk and find the picture that was taken on her court date. He commented how much she's grown. It was sweet. He said when we "return with our third adoption" that he would make Ella find her picture. Huh???
Here is a picture of the court date for the scrapbook!
We heard last week from the Shriners Hospital in Chicago. Ella has a surgery date! I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad about it. Of course, she NEEDS the surgery, but I am feeling very anxious and down right terrified. Now I have until August 21st to stress about it. I should be pretty well freaked out by the time we get to Chicago. I'll bet Ella will be stronger than I will. She'll probably do great! I'm still nervous though.
Here are some pictures that we took at my sister's house. Ella thought the trampoline was just too cool. I on the other hand was a little FREAKED out! More so when the boys got on the trampoline and started doing FLIPS! I thought for sure there was an Emergeny Room visit coming!!!
The girls found out how to use the water canons REALLY quickly! Needless to say, it was a squishy ride home for the girls AND the boys!!
Here is a picture of the court date for the scrapbook!
We heard last week from the Shriners Hospital in Chicago. Ella has a surgery date! I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad about it. Of course, she NEEDS the surgery, but I am feeling very anxious and down right terrified. Now I have until August 21st to stress about it. I should be pretty well freaked out by the time we get to Chicago. I'll bet Ella will be stronger than I will. She'll probably do great! I'm still nervous though.
Here are some pictures that we took at my sister's house. Ella thought the trampoline was just too cool. I on the other hand was a little FREAKED out! More so when the boys got on the trampoline and started doing FLIPS! I thought for sure there was an Emergeny Room visit coming!!!
The girls found out how to use the water canons REALLY quickly! Needless to say, it was a squishy ride home for the girls AND the boys!!
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